How to survive a zombie apocalypse

When it comes to survival situations, a zombie apocalypse is close to the bottom of the list of possibilities, but this didn’t stop the US government from releasing a 31-page document on how to survive a zombie outbreak. Because it’s never happened before, the only information we have to go on comes from the countless movies and TV shows about zombies, but it also shows the likeliest scenario in terms of their capabilities. When it comes to a zombie outbreak, it will happen in stages like all pandemics do, so here’s a list of those stages and things to look out for to ensure your survival.

The Great Panic

Due to the gruesome and shocking nature of zombies, the press would make it breaking news right away. This would cause a huge panic within the population who would do the same thing they always do in panic situations, which is go to the shops and buy/steal everything and flood the hospitals with people who “think” they have whatever is going round.

The roads will become blocked very quickly with people driving dangerously and there will be no one to come and clear up the mess when they crash. If people become scared enough, then all laws will be ignored and many won’t think twice about taking things from another person.

What to do during the great panic

Grab whatever necessary things you can like food, water and basic clothing and any survival gear you may have, and get the hell out of there. The more people there are the greater the danger, and the longer it goes on the more blocked the roads will become and the more desperate people will be.

Remember that people are the number one problem at this point, unless you’re unlucky enough to be right in the middle of the breakout location. If you are in a city or large town, then don’t even try to stay where you are, because a location that may seem safe now could become a death trap later on.

Prepare to travel light and don’t risk putting all your things in a vehicle you’re likely to abandon. We’ve all had to sit in a traffic jam that was caused by an accident, but when everyone is driving like a crazy person and there’s no one working to clear the road, trying to drive anywhere will become difficult very quickly. Motorbikes will be able to weave in between traffic and a bicycle can be lifted over fences and attached to larger vehicles when it is possible to use them, just don’t rely on a single vehicle.

Get ready for all utilities to shut off when the plants close down. With dead people walking round everywhere its highly unlikely that everyone that works in a water or power plant will show up for their shift as normal, and the plants will have no choice but to shut down. This means no electricity and no running water, something that would be brutal to witness during the unlit nighttime in a big city. When people have nothing to drink they will try and take it from others, and if you’re relying on filling up at the next house you find then you’re going to be disappointed.

(A vehicle like this may seem like a good choice, but cant drive through trees and car-packed roads and will soon have to be abandoned)

The Initial death wave and settling

After the virus has spread across the whole country, it would have wiped out the majority of the population. With most people living in cities and large towns, these would be the most travelled to and the likeliest to see outbreaks. There will simply be nowhere to hide and everyone trying to get away from places could only go as far as the coast where there are many other settlements with high populations.

The vast majority of a country’s population will be dead within the first few months, as people might have supplies and be held up somewhere safe until they died of thirst or hunger. After most people are dead, there will be millions of fresh zombies walking round, most of which will be in the place they died, making cities and anything larger than a small village no go zones.

What to do when the settling period starts

When the great panic is over, mostly because everyone is dead, it’s time to find somewhere to set up for the long term. The most obvious places to go will likely be the most dangerous and should be avoided at all costs, a list of the most common places people think to go and why you should avoid them are as follows:

Police stations and army bases

During the first stages of the outbreak, people would flock to these sites looking for protection, and then later on the raid them of guns and ammo. Going there are the start of the outbreak would be pointless as you’d be competing with everyone else and might get shot if you tried to break in, and later on everything of value will be taken, not to mention the power will be out so certain security doors couldn’t be accessed.

Hospitals
Any medical site will likely see the first wave of zombies since people would be taken there when they appeared ill. There would also be a raiding period were people try to steal medicine and supplies, and after that you’d be left with a huge building with no power or water that’s impossible to defend.

Supermarkets
Supermarkets generally don’t tend to have many windows, and are usually equipped with roll-down shutters or some kind of barricading security, and this combined with a huge supply of food just sitting there would make them seem like a good place to go. Apart from being one of the first places everyone would raid, even if you managed to get in one and secured all the exits, you’d be trapped in a giant dark room with several tons of rotting food. With no electricity, everything in the fridge and freezer sections would go off quickly, and other than burning cardboard or any wood you can find, you’d have no way to cook or stay warm.

Safety traps
Barricading the ground floor of a block of flats would make everything above that level safe, and this rule goes to any secure or tough building that could provide a safe interior with the sealing of a few entrances. The problem with these types of buildings is that you will become trapped inside with nothing to eat or drink. A good example would be the UK that’s quite a small country in comparison with most others. The city of Birmingham has a population of close to 3 million people, and is 90 miles to the west coast of Wales and 150 miles to the east coast of England. Assuming a zombie is very slow and travels at 1 mph, it would take 3 months to reach the Welsh coast and 5 months to reach the east. The point is that if you set up in a fortified building and a horde comes along and surrounds you, getting trapped will cause you either die of thirst, hunger or getting eaten. With large settlements around the whole country, it would likely take days and not months for a horde to find you, and when they do all that farm land surrounding your fortified base and any other advantages you may have won’t do you any good.

Surviving in the long term

The goal isn’t just to get away from all the zombies, but doing so in a location that’s easily defendable, can produce food and allows an escape route if a horde finds you. It might sound like there’s very few places that have all of these advantages, but a quick look around Google Maps will show more than you’d think. There are many buildings with walled grounds that would be capable of producing enough food and water, but none offer an escape route from a large horde apart from one’s next to the coast.

Living by the sea in a quiet location will not only allow you to use the sea to provide food, but also act as an escape route should you need to abandon your base for some reason. A small island would be the best place to go, provided its big enough to provide some farm land and fresh water. The number one thing to keep in mind when selecting a permanent location is what you would do if a huge horde managed to find you, because even the most self-sufficient looking buildings won’t be able to provide everything you need in the long term, and you’ll need a way to leave and come back with supplies that doesn’t involve fighting your way through a huge horde every time you need to get out.

Do’s and Dont’s of surviving a zombie apocalypse

• Don’t sleep anywhere that a person or a zombie could reach without alerting you.

• Don’t drink anything that comes out of a tap or could otherwise possibly be stagnant.

• Don’t allow people to join you unless they could be useful and aren’t going to get you killed.

• Don’t trust anyone, even the nicest person could kill you if it meant their first meal in a week.

• Don’t hold up anywhere that a horde can trap you in.

• Don’t rely on a single vehicle or an amount of equipment you can’t carry yourself.

• Don’t rely on the government or any of the supposed “safe” areas it declares, as these will become flooded with people the second they are announced.

• Do include a way to produce safe drinking water as part of your kit, even if it’s just a saucepan and piece of cloth to filter and boil water with.

• Make sure to barricade any location you’re going to spend time in, especially if you intend to sleep there.

• Do everything possible to defend yourself against other people, which will include carrying a weapon and learning how to use it.

• Always prepare an escape route from any building your going to sleep in or set up base in. This may include being able to jump to the building next door from the roof or even setting up a rope to use as a zip line before going to sleep in case you get surrounded.

• Stay away from areas where there were lots of people, because lots of people means lots of zombies, most of which will probably be trapped walking round the place they died until they finally drop.

• Be harsh and don’t rely on emotions over necessity. There may be certain people in your group that are going to get you killed, whether they can’t defend themselves or have to be constantly looked after and saved. Separating yourself from these people will most likely save your life.

What are the chances of a zombie apocalypse actually happening?

The basic answer would be that its close to impossible. The main reason is that the majority of things on TV about zombies all seem to claim that a virus is the cause of the outbreak, but in reality a virus wouldn’t be capable of doing this. A virus exists to reproduce itself and spread throughout its host until it kills it, but only a parasite is capable of actually controlling its host. Fortunately the most advanced parasites on earth are capable of little more than making insects they infest move in a certain way or consume more than usual, and are a very long way from the advanced limb movement needed to make a dead person walk.

The other major reason is that if a person is dead, they will start to decompose and lose the ability to use their muscles. The blood would thicken and turn into a brown sludge that wouldn’t be able to carry oxygen to feed the muscles with, not to mention a whole other bunch of reasons that a dead human wouldn’t be able to walk, so unless an advanced alien race decides to unleash a parasite they created on earth for some reason, I think we are pretty safe.